Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
