Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
