I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
