I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
