oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
