I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize