11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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