Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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