i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
