my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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