I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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