He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
