Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My breasts were aching with rage.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
