It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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