omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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