Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm too high and old for this...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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