Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I smell stomach acid.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
