No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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