They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
