Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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