Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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