Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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