and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
