did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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