I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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