The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
