Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
