All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
