Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
