dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize