too bad you live with your parents still
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you made out with another girl for some wings
did i just pee glitter
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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