in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
