Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
