Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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