I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
