Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
