I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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