Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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