We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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