my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
