Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
