I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize