Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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