i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
