marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize