just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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