My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
