Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
