in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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