You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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