Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
