Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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