who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
