My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
