dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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