You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
