Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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