Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
