Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How's work?
Spinning.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
