Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
