I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
