i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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