found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
