You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
