She's JV to your varsity
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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