dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize