is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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