he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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