Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
