oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
