I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
