State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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