well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
