I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
