so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
