All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
